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The Twenty-third Psalm
Welfare Recipient's Version

Society is my shepherd: I shall not work.
It alloweth me to lie down on a feather bed;
It leadeth me beside the still factories.
It destroyeth my ambition.
It leadeth me in the paths of a goldbrick for politics' sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of inflation and deficit spending,
I will fear no evil,
For the welfare agencies are with me.
Their generosity and their staff they comfort me.
They prepareth the requisitions that filleth my table.
By mortgaging the earnings of my grandchildren
My head is filled with mirth
That my cup runneth over without effort.
Surely, the taxpayers shall care for me
All the days of my life,
And I shall dwell in the house of a parasite forever.

The Twenty-third Psalm
Golfer's Version

The pro is my shepherd; I shall not slice.
He maketh me to drive straight down green fairways;
He leadeth me safely across still water hazards.
He restoreth my approach shots;
He leadeth me in the paths of accuracy for my game's sake.
Yea, though I clip through the roughs
In the shadows of sand traps,
I will fear no bogies,
For His advice is with me.
His putter and irons they comfort me.
He prepareth a strategy for me in the presence of mine opponents;
He annointeth my head with confidence;
The cup will not runneth over.
Surely birdies and eagles shall follow me
All the rounds of my life,
And I will abide in the low eighties forever.

The Twenty-third Psalm
Pacesetter Version

The Lord is my pacesetter; I shall not rush.
He makes me stop for quiet intervals.
He provides me with images of stillness
Which restore my serenity.
He leads me in ways of efficiency through calmness of mind,
And his guidance is peace.
Even though I have a great many things
To accomplish each day,
I will not fret,
For his presence is here.
His timelessness and his all-importance
Will keep me in balance.
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity
By anointing my mind with his oils of tranquility.
My cup of joyous energy overflows.
Truly harmony and effectiveness
Shall be the fruits of my hours,
For I shall walk in the pace of my Lord,
And dwell in His house forever.

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